


A - Y ANGST

by Momtagne



Category: Rainbow Six Siege - Fandom, Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Multi, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-08-28 14:08:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16724862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Momtagne/pseuds/Momtagne
Summary: A- Y Angst prompts for the Rainbow Six Siege Original Character; Lilliane Martineau.





	1. A - Ambush

“Where’s our cover?” Gilles’ voice came over the voice comm and Lilliane rolled her eyes, she adjusted her rifle’s position so she could clear the enemies ahead of her team. “I was watching your flank, I would think you could get rid of the enemies in front of you, eh grande homme?” Lilliane’s thick accent clear as day as she dispatched of the two terrorists in their way. “Now isn’t the time, Misericorde.” Gilles sighed as he and Elias moved through the corridor with the hostage. “I’m just saying, you boys have guns too. Or are they fake? Mmm don’t answer that, they probably are knowing you two.” Lilliane easily teased, being on the roof of an opposing building brought her some calmness, well compared to being in the thick of it like the shields she was protecting. “Do you know where Jackal and Ying are?” Elias’ voice came over the comm. “Non, petit moineau, nothing on my end. I can move positions and search for them, but you’d be without cover while I did.” Lilliane pulled away from the scope of her rifle. 

“We’re okay.” Ryad’’s voice, Lilliane felt relief. “Ying is hurt though, we’re on the East side, any eyes on that, Misericorde?” Ryad questioned her, the faint sound of groaning in his comms. “Your call boss.” Lilliane waited for Gilles’ order. “Go ahead, find them.” Gilles gave the clear and Lilliane pushed herself up from her prone position. “Ya got it, boss.” Lilliane walked to the far side of the roof from where she had been, she should have an eye here. Lilliane laid back down and stared down the scope of her modified gun. “I see you, stand still for me.” Lilliane clicked her underbarrel, and loaded in the purple, blue, and white needle shaped bullet. Lilliane fired her rifle, hitting Siu. “I’ve got you covered.” Lilliane watched as Ryad helped Siu balance herself, they’d be okay. Lilliane sat up again, rubbing her eye, she had been staring down her scope for too long. “Misericorde, Jackal, Ying, meet us at the Rendezvous point, we need to get out of here they called in back up.” Elias’ hasty voice reported and Lilliane cursed.

Lilliane stood up quickly, and a gun clicked behind her. Shit. She felt the gun against her back and she held up her free hand, one hand still on her rifle. “Drop the gun.” He demanded and she scoffed. “Non, merci.” Lilliane whipped around and she hit the man in the head with the butt of her rifle. “Down dog.” She snickered. Lilliane then flipped her rifle in her arm and fired, hitting another one of her approaching attackers. Lilliane whipped back to the man she had hit with her gun and kneed him in the face, kicking him off of the ledge of the roof. Lilliane pulled out her knife and launched it, the knife hit its target and a man slumped to his knees, Lilliane moved quickly, jogging over to him and pulling her knife from his stomach, to allow him to bleed out faster. Lilliane flipped the bloodied blade in her hand before sliding it back into her thigh holster. Lilliane kicked the side of the bleeding man, ensuring he would in fact die. “Looks good to me.” She muttered to herself as she headed to the ledge of the roof, attaching her grapple to it. Lilliane slid down the grapple and landed not so gracefully on the ground below. 

 

“What took you so long?” Elias asked, looking over the tired sniper. “They set up an ambush, but I’m fine.” Lilliane smiled below her mask, giving him a gloved thumbs up. The front of Lilliane’s white JTF2 uniform was splayed in blood, the black and white plaid mask covering the lower half of her face also had its own splotches of red here and there, and her hair was frizzy, her brown bangs covering her green eyes. Lilliane brushed her bangs from her eyes and threw her arm around Elias’ shoulder. “I’m ready for a nap, let’s head home.” Lilliane dramatically yawned. “You sleep less than Ryad, Lilli.” Siu joked, earning a lazy shrug from the woman in question. “And yet she still doesn’t spend time with me when neither of us are awake, too busy doing doctor things.” Ryad’s comment earned a gentle elbow jab from Lilliane. “My doctor things are very important, I promise.” Lilliane pulled her mask down, she had no use for it and it was hot. “Evac is here guys, let’s get going.” Gilles called as a black van rumbled up to them. Lilliane let go of Elias and headed towards the van, laying on a concrete roof did things to your body and she was ready to sit.


	2. B - Broken

Lilliane stared at her reflection, the green uniform stared back. “Are you ready for the ceremony?” Her commander asked behind her and she closed her eyes, trying to collect her thoughts. “Yes, I think so.” She opened her eyes again, green eyes swept over the green uniform one last time before she turned to her commander. “You deserve this award, Sergeant Martineau. You’ve done Canada a great service.” Her commander wrapped his arm around her shoulders as he led her out of the room. “But, sir. I do not think that’s true.” Lilliane’s thick French accent was thick sure, but even more so when she was nervous. “You saved five people from a burning building, Lilliane.” Her commander raised his voice, shutting her down. “At the risk of your own life. You were even wounded during the operation.” Her commander led her down the hallway as he spoke. “It wasn’t an operation and you know it!” She bit back, regretting her words immediately, but she was in too deep. “It was a foolish mistake, a bad judgement call that almost cost me my life, on my day off. There was no operation, there was no saving angel. It was a judgement call.” Lilliane’s eyebrows furrowed as she looked at her commander, but he only tightened his grip around her shoulder, wrinkling the green uniform. “That very well may be the truth, but the truth doesn’t matter, Martineau. Only politics matter. And right now you’re making us look fantastic. So you’re going to accept this medal, then you’re free to go home.” Her commander hissed and she bit the inside of her cheek.

Lilliane felt the medal get pinned to her chest and she kept her jaw locked as she accepted it. The Cross of Valour, the second highest bravery medal. A medal she did not deserve. Lilliane shook the man’s hand and then turned to the cameras, smiling and bowing her head. Shortly after she returned to her seat, the closing speeches were to be given, and she was thankful she was not one of them. “See was that so hard?” Her commander leaned forward to whisper to her. Lilliane kept her eyes forward, forward on the stage as a woman spoke of Lilliane’s military history. A new medic in the army who risked her life only three months into her first deployment, yes, a good look for the army indeed. Lilliane looked at her hand, her uniform covered her arm, and thus the majority of her scar, but the but the burns on her thumb, pointer finger, and middle finger were still very out in the open. Lilliane looked back at the stage as her commander leaned back in his seat. She could go home soon.

-

Lilliane set her medal in the box with the rest of the medals she owned. A glass box her father had given her, the name Eric pinned over some medals, while the name Lilliane was pinned over the others. Lilliane pressed the Cross of Valour underneath her name, beside her father’s special service medal. Twenty two years old and she had one of the most significant medals the army could offer. And it was a medal she didn’t want. Lilliane sighed as she put the box back on the top shelf of her bookshelf. Lilliane lingered there for a little bit longer, her hand on the lid of the box as she stood still, pressing her forehead against the cool wood of the bookshelf. She was home, yet it didn’t feel like home, nothing felt like home anymore. Lilliane clenched her fist and pulled away from the bookshelf. She headed to the other side of the small room and plopped down on the beat up green couch, pulling her knees to her chest. “La télévision aidera” Lilliane muttered to herself as she turned on the TV and switched it to HLN, interested in watching Forensic Files.

Lilliane snapped out of her thoughts when her cellphone rang and she leaned over the arm of her couch to grab her phone from the table. “Sergeant Martineau.” Lilliane answered. “You want what?” Lilliane sat up immediately, her body tensing. “Redeployment. Iraq again, same area. We need to do some peacekeeping in the area and well, you’re our best medic.” The man on the other end relayed the information. “Uhm, yeah sure. Sure, I’ll be at the base tomorrow.” Lilliane rubbed her face, trying her best to ignore her racing heart. “0600 please, Sergeant Martineau.” The man asked politely but she still gritted her teeth. “I’ll see you at 0730.” Lilliane hung up her phone and tossed it onto the coffee table. 

Lilliane’s panic set in when she settled back into the couch, her heart raced, her arm burned, and she had trouble breathing. She knew the signs of a panic attack and breathed in and out to try and calm herself down. She was probably too messed up to go back, but she’d be damned if she didn’t do her obligation to serve. Lilliane ran her fingers through her shoulder length brown hair, untangling the thick wavy locks of hair. Lilliane turned her head to look out the living room window, it was grey overcast, and rain hit her window as the wind howled outside. Was she really ready for this again? She wondered to herself, but she didn’t have time to wonder, she had already agreed to do this again, to risk everything again. Maybe she’d be awarded another pointless medal, with a meaning she didn’t care for, distributed simply for propaganda. That’s all she was to them, propaganda. Lilliane fell backward, going from sitting to lying down as she now stared up at the textured ceiling of her apartment. She knew what she was to them, but that didn’t stop her from wanting to serve. She was ready to serve, to get out there and help people. But at what cost? Lilliane Martineau wasn’t sure yet. And she also didn’t know if she’d ever know the true cost of war. Maybe it came from being broken.


	3. C - Concussion

“How long am I going to have to spend teaching you hand to hand?” Maxim sighed as Lilliane took a swig of her water. “Until Six is content I guess. You know I don’t want to be here.” Lilliane’s green eyes met his unimpressed grey ones. “I’m Lilliane One Shot One Kill Martineau. I’m so good with a rifle I don’t need to know hand to hand.” Maxim’s pitch went through the roof as he mimicked her French accent. “Oh no I’ve lost my rifle?! That’s okay I have a handgun to save me! Hehehe. I’m so good at shooting.” Maxim’s voice made Lilliane snicker, she covered her mouth with her gloved hand as she tried her best not to laugh loudly. “Whatever will I do when I run out of ammo?!” Maxim dramatically gasped. “Maxine, stop I’m going to cry.” Lilliane giggled, her free hand holding her side. “Oh I have my pretty pink knife! That’ll do the trick!” Maxim pulled his knife out of his thigh holster and did a quick trick with it. “Look at me go, I’m Lilliane, good at everything but the easiest one. I don’t know how to throw a punch!” Maxim’s voice was lowering as he struggled to keep up the high pitch voice. “My knife isn’t even pink! It’s multichromatic and it cost more than your well. Everything. You’re very basic.” Lilliane teased, tossing his water bottle at him. Maxim caught his water bottle and downed half of it, sighing in content from the relief in his throat. “I may be basic but I still have a good punch. Yours is sad, very sad.” Maxim teased her. “Three out of four weapons is still pretty good. Some can’t even get their way around a knife or a rifle.” Lilliane pointed out. Maxim rolled his eyes and walked over to her, setting his water bottle down on the bench. 

Maxim still had his knife out and suddenly he struck at her, Lilliane was nimble though and she easily moved downwards, she rolled backwards back onto the carpet, unholstering her own knife. Lilliane stood up and her and Maxim circled each other, eyes on the others’ movements. Maxim knew Lilliane played defensively, she was a doctor above all else, he noted that during his time in the field, the medics always played it safe. “You’re trying to kill me, you wouldn’t stand there.” Lilliane pointed out to him, positioned in such a way she could move quickly rather than strike. Maxim moved forward, blocking her exit and swiping his knife at her. Lilliane moved around his arm, wrapping her arm around his, pulling it backwards and twisting, earning a grunt from the Russian man. Maxim dropped his knife as she twisted his arm and wrist uncomfortably. Maxim threw his head back, hitting hers. “Ah fuck.” Lilliane stumbled backwards, dropping her own weapon as her dominant hand went to her head. Maxim moved forward, bringing his knee into her stomach and with her lack of breath he was able to easily slam her into the gym mat. Lilliane’s head however landed just off of the mat, so she hit the hard concrete. “Are you okay?” Maxim realised immediately, sitting up and pulling her into a sitting position. 

“My ears are ringing.” Lilliane looked at him with a frown, and she was seeing doubles, Lilliane groaned closing her eyes and rubbing her temples. “It’s too bright in here.” Lilliane complained, rubbing her face. Maxim helped Lilliane stand, ignoring her complaint of being dizzy. “Let’s get you back to your room.” Maxim grabbed Lilliane’s gym bag when they moved by the benches and he swung it over his shoulder. “I want to take a nap.” Lilliane muttered as they entered the much darker hallway. “Yes you can take a nap when we get there.” Maxim snorted as he helped her to the elevator. “Nap now..” Lilliane muttered, her eyes closing as she leaned against him. “No! Lilli! Ugh you’re heavy!” Maxim grunted when all her dead weight leaned onto him. Maxim picked her up bridal style, the gym bag strap digging into his shoulder now. Maxim sighed at the unconscious woman in his arms. He’d just have to deal with it, he hoped she left her door unlocked because he was unsure of where her room keys could be. The Russian carried her out of the elevator and down the hall towards the JTF2 rooms towards the other end of the long hallway.

“What happened to her?” A newer operator asked, he remembered he wasn’t there for the last introductions. “Oh good, you can help me, can you go through her bag and find the keys for me?” Maxim asked and the woman raised an eyebrow, a “are you kidding me?” look clear as day on her expression. “Please, she’s all muscle she’s heavy.” Maxim was exasperated. The woman sighed and opened the gym bag, rifling through it for a few seconds. “I touched a gross sweaty towel and you owe me five dollars for hand sanitizer.” The dark haired woman unlocked the door to Lilliane’s apartment. “Yes that’s fine, thank you.” Maxim entered the apartment, making a beeline to Lilliane’s bedroom. The dark haired woman scoffed and set the keys on the hook hanging beside the door, before taking her leave. 

-

Lilliane woke up dazed, her head was pounding and she was confused as all hell. “How the fuck?” Lilliane muttered to herself when she realised she was in her bed. “Oh good you’re awake!” Mused a voice from the blue beanbag chair in the corner of the room. Lilliane looked over, turning on her side to squint her eyes at Maxim who shut a book Lilliane recognised as one of hers. “What happened?” Lilliane sat up in her bed, rubbing the side of her head, messing up her long hair even more. “I smacked you into the ground too hard and you got a concussion. Gus says you’ll be fine.” Maxim stood up, stretching his legs. “Oh. Thanks for that. Wonder if Six will let me off hand to hand training now..” Lilliane spoke her thoughts out loud and Maxim shook his head. “Of course you’re thinking about not doing hand to hand at a time like this. You were hurt so she says you can rest up for a few days. Or work, knowing you you’ll work. But still, rest.” Maxim was now standing beside Lilliane’s bed, he picked up the glass of water on her bed side table and held it out to her. 

Lilliane took the glass and took a tentative sip. “It isn’t poisoned, Lilli.” Maxim rolled his eyes and she locked eyes with him, glaring as she downed the rest of the glass in one go. “That’s my girl.” Maxim snickered. “Alright it’s late, I’m going to bed. Get some more rest, Lils.” Maxim patted her head and then headed out, leaving her alone in the dim lit room. Lilliane set the glass down on her table and laid back down, she’d try to sleep, maybe her concussion would interfere with her nightmares and she could actually get a nights rest for once. But it was unlikely.


	4. D - Deprived

Insomnia. Sleep deprivation. Days upon days of tired eyes and cups of coffee. No that wasn’t her greatest deprivation. Hell she didn’t care that she was exhausted, she hadn’t felt it in years. No, the sleep deprivation wasn’t her great deprivation, really it was an asset, she got more work done with her lack of sleep. No her great deprivation was something else, something unspoken, a factoid amongst those who know her, a factoid to her. Bloodstained hands, and deep breaths all bring her back to what she’s most deprived from. But she didn’t have time to think about it, she didn’t have time to think at all. She was needed, despite her deprivation, despite her exhaustion. 

“Eliminate the target, will you?” A sentence she heard frequently. Seems her sniper skills were needed more than her MD or her slew of doctorates. For a governmental organisation under the radar she didn’t expect any less from them. At least she wasn’t used as pointless political propaganda anymore. No now she was just a sharpshooter with a good eye for easy kills. Adjust, click, fire. It was so easy, it came naturally. She wasn’t a softened soul, or an artist, she didn’t have a reason to be unnervingly good, she just was. She didn’t offer the kind of softness that somebody like Glaz did. Nor did she care to try to understand his method of shooting, despite him being her mentor. 

“Do you miss helping people? Being a doctor rather than a sniper?” They asked her, of course they asked her that. It was her one true deprivation, the one thing she actually missed, feeling like she helped people. But that didn’t mean that she regretted any of the notches on her gun, any of the hearts she pierced with the .338 lapua, her signature was not one easily missed. She was built to kill, and she had accepted her role with her idea of grace, others idea of psychopathy. But she was deprived from the ability to aid, and it had hardened her shell and made her into the perfect killing machine. Adjust, click, fire. Another notch, another news report wondering of this Wicked assassin taking out corporate leaders. Her modified gun was easily traceable, but nobody really wanted to look. 

She missed being a healer, a helping hand, a force of light in the cruelty of darkness. But that wasn’t what the world needed, not today, maybe tomorrow, but she doubted it. There were plenty of doctors, of soldiers, of medics, of police officers, firefighters, emts.. Plenty of people who helped people, plenty of people who killed to help. But that didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, more people would be recruited, more people would join, infestations like those would never stop. Her job was different, her job was to take care of bigger threats, threats that when put down sent a message, a loud, clear message. Their exploded hearts was how she wrote her messages, not pencil, nor blood, or ink. No, a bullet to the heart. 

Lilliane’s rifle was strapped to her back as she walked through the halls of the Rainbow Headquarters. Her signature bullet flipping between her gloved hands. The recruits she passed immediately moved out of her way and she barely spared them a glance. She didn’t care for them, just more people whose backs needed to be watched. Lilliane entered the office and threw a file onto the table, photos scattering from the file. “He’s dead.” Lilliane pocketed the bullet and crossed her arms. Six turned in her chair and looked at the photographs, proof of Lilliane’s kill. “Very good.” Six hummed, putting the photographs back into the file folder. 

“It’s come to my attention that your fellow teammates are worried for you.” Six clasped her hands together and Lilliane tilted her head. “They’ve asked me to put you back into routine medicare. Citing you’ve been feeling down about all the recent killings. Would you like that?” Six asked, she always had a way of saying things. Lilliane hesitated, she missed helping people firsthand, bandaging wounds and preventing death, but in the long run? What good would it do? Lilliane gritted her teeth as she thought, what could she do here? “I wouldn’t mind splitting my time between the two.” Lilliane finally answered. “Very well.”


	5. E - Exhaustion

Lilliane ran a hand through her messy dark hair. Her eyes had bags under them and she was trying her best not to fall asleep at her desk. She was tired and stressed, the Outbreak in New Mexico was scaring her, and she knew she had to help figure out a way to contain it, sleep wasn't an option, sleep was useless with lives on the line. The other two doctors in the room were idly chatting in the corner. "Is she alright?" Lera asked Gustave, Lera hadn't been officially introduced to the Canadian doctor, so watching the brunette mutter to herself and drink her sixth cup of coffee was unnerving. "I don't think Doctor Martineau has known alright for quite a few years." Gustave admitted, following Lera's curious glance. Lilliane was scribbling something down with her right hand, a cup of coffee in her left. "Hey Lilliane!" Gustave called and her head snapped up, she looked at him with startled green eyes, she had forgotten she wasn't alone. "Ninety eight hours." Lilliane answered without Gustave having to ask. "That's more than four days.." Lera trailed off, but Lilliane wasn't listening, she was looking back at her work. "Nobody is able to get her to sleep, let her just work it out." Gustave sighed. “Why is that?” Lera asked curiously. “Ah, I shouldn’t ask you that, perhaps I’ll find out for myself.” Lera waved her hand. Gustave looked between the two women, he knew, of course he knew, he had done Lilliane’s medical examination on two separate occasions, both yielding the same results. “Yes, well. She probably won’t sleep until we get back.” Gustave shook his head, the woman was too much sometimes. “Let’s get to work then.” Lera moved back to the table to continue her work and Gustave followed.

 

Lilliane stood up when the two went to the table, her notes in her hand. She downed the rest of her coffee before setting the mug down, she was tired. “Anything yet, Lilliane?” Gustave asked as she approached them. “Possibles, maybes. That’s it.” Lilliane sighed, setting her notes down on the table. “Without Doctor Mackintosh’s work, I’m at a loss. I don’t know how it transforms.” Lilliane spread her notes around so she could read them. “And without people..” Lilliane trailed off meeting Gustave’s glance. “Without test subjects you don’t know if any cures you do have will work.” Gustave nodded, he looked up at one of the monitors, it was the zombie-like body he had dissected that was displayed on it, the armour like skin was what confused him, like they evolved to have it. The middle monitor begin to ring showing the Rainbow symbol. Lilliane pressed a button close to her and Eliza came up on the screen. “Lera, Gustave, Lilliane. We have a situation. We need all doctors on deck. We’ll be flying you out in four hours, get your things ready.” Eliza looked to her left and suddenly the connection was lost. Lilliane grabbed her notes and went back to her work desk, she needed to pack her things immediately. The other two grabbed what they needed from their desks, they didn’t have much time to pack their equipment, let alone what they’d need on the field. But they’d have to make due with what they had.

 

-

 

Lilliane scanned the words on her laptop as the plane hummed. “Are you not going to sleep?” Lera asked beside the woman, her eyebrows furrowed. “No.” Lilliane answered simply as she typed something. “Okay, wrong foot. My name is Lera. It’s nice to actually meet you, now that it’s quieter.” Lera held out her hand and Lilliane looked up, she shook Lera’s hand with her own gloved one, shutting the lid of her laptop, there was no way out of pleasantries. “Lilliane, any variation of my name is fine.” Lilliane was not one to smile, no only half smiles construed as smirks were all she had to offer.  “What do you specialise in?” Lera sat up in her seat. “Infectious disease and critical emergency care.” Lilliane responded, stifling a yawn. Lera went on to talk a little about herself and Lilliane nodded along, doing her best to pretend to care, it wasn’t that she didn’t care per say, it was that she just wanted to stop this infection from spreading.

 

-

 

“What are you doing here?” Sebastien ran up to her the moment her feet touched the ground. “You look like you haven’t slept in days.” He had his hands on either side of her face as he looked her over. Lilliane raised her left hand, pressing it to his cheek, she tilted her head at him. “Mon coeur I’m fine.” Lilliane laughed slightly. “I’m here to help. I’ve brought medicine.” Lilliane’s thumb ran over his cheek. “We already have one sniper, we don’t need two.” Sebastien’s brows were furrowed as he searched her face. “I’m not here as a sniper and you know it.” Lilliane leaned up and pressed a kiss to him nose. “Come, I need to set up.” Lilliane pulled away from him but he immediately wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her flush against his chest, earning a noise of surprise from the sniper.

 

“Promise me you’ll be safe, no more recklessness.” Sebastien whispered and she tensed, she hadn’t planned on it. “And that means sleeping, Lilli.” Sebastien let her go and she met his gaze, that disapproving look of his always got her. “I can’t sleep, you know that.” Lilliane looked towards the tents, Lera and Gustave had already disappeared inside of the med tent. “No, I know you’re afraid to sleep, there is a difference.” Sebastien took her medical bag from her and swung it over his shoulder. “Please, sleep. I don’t want to beg.” Sebastien started towards the med tent and she followed. “Let me.. Set up first and I’ll think about it.” Lilliane offered, it was weak and she knew it. “Non, you sleep now.” Sebastien shot her a glance. “But, Sebastien, they need me- This is what I do!” Lilliane sighed, running her fingers through her tangled hair. 

  
“Lilliane you don’t have to be a hero all the time, you can be exhausted. You can sleep.” Sebastien stopped, his tone going from his usual one to one much more serious. “If I don’t play hero people die, and I don’t.. I can’t let more people die.” Lilliane entered the tent and Sebastien watched as the flap shut behind her.  _ Stubborn woman _ . He thought to himself as he entered the tent, he knew someday she’d get herself killed with her exhaustion, but even as her husband, he couldn’t get her to sleep. 


End file.
